I AM in the middle. Somewhere between my mind and my heart; somewhere between what I want to be and what I am expected to be. I am somewhere between the wrong and the right, somewhere between the darkness and the light. I am somewhere between who I am and who I used to be; between my dreams and theirs, between my faith and fears. Somewhere In the middle you’ll find me.
Confusion and frustration comes from being in the middle. We are all in the middle of something. We all feel that tug on our heart as well as on our minds. It makes us indecisive, timid, afraid to take risks, to be bold and afraid to try. The worst thing is, we can’t (not) choose, we have to choose. Then live with the consequences; in my mind there are two (2) types: External Consequences [EC] (people’s reactions, opinions, attitudes etc.) and Internal Consequences [IC] (your conscience, your unhappiness, your regret etc.)
Internal conflict is more disastrous than anything that could come from the outside. Rome fell from the inside –civil war- and not by any external force. Troy’s demise was from the inside via a wooden horse as the other Greeks couldn’t breach the wall. A wooden structure rots from the inside. Internal bleeding is way more critical than external bleeding. The country having the brain drain suffers more. A city divided within itself won’t stand. The internal issues creep up and destroy you. We need to balance it all out and stop compromising our feelings for theirs, extinguishing your joy and your peace for theirs.
Sadly, a lot of our ‘personal’ decisions are based on ‘public/popular’ opinion. Some of us have convinced ourselves that we wear a certain style because we like it and not because the public does. We have convinced ourselves that it was us who liked the song and not all the people we hang with who did first.
However if we should ask each individual why they hate or like a concept, we will find the public’s opinion coming out, for the say;
Indeed you think….not for yourself but based on others. Then when asked why do you think that, they respond
“well….that is how I was brought up…” or
“a suh mi know it”
“that’s how it should go”
“that’s just how it is”
we never conceptualized and analysed for ourselves but took the better more worthy ‘public’ idea
Now, are we willing to forego the consequences of the external environment to struggle in our own minds and bodies, having to fight to fall asleep, regretting not having done what you wanted to do, what you wanted to say, being what and who you felt comfortable being?
The IC’s may not seem effectual but over time they sneak upon you. You allowed the IC’s and not the EC’s and over a couple months and years after, the issue becomes more complex and more disorderly.
Is their opinion really worth more than yours? Who do you destroy when you succumb to that pressure? Who suffers privately and in the long run? The next time you ask yourself “what would people think?” ask this question as well “who suffers more?”
Will you be empowered today or will you stay in the middle.
“But will they let me?”….
“it’s not their decision to make.”